literature

Ghost's trick

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Literature Text

"We are so similar, Lillian, like two drops of water coming from the same spring! I've always known that, but you'll find out and you remember my words when you turn 20!"
That was something that her grandmother used to tell Lillian when she was really young. She didn't understand what she was talking about, she just used to reply "Grandma, it's impossible, we're too different, you have loads of wrinkles and I don't have them!"
"You'll see honey" she used to answer.
Then when Lillian was ten her grandma died and she felt like a part of her was going away forever.  Everybody said that this happened because she was a really sensitive girl.
She didn't know why that day she was thinking of this particular episode of her life. She was on her way to work and the weather was awful. So windy and dark. It was actually 7 in the morning but everything was pitch black. The streets were empty and the solitary light was reflecting its dull orange shadow on the ground.
Lillian thought it would have been really better to stay home, in her warm bed that morning, but she had to open that bar. She'd been working there for so long that she couldn't stay home. She adjusted her scarf, straightened the collar of her coat and dived in to the cold dark.
She loved opening the bar in the summer, for the sunlight woke her up really early in the morning and it was nice to have a stroll in the mild sun, but during the winter it was a torment. "Well, we're already in January, so it's almost over" she repeated to herself every time she was due to open.
That morning was particularly windy and dark. She hoped that the weather would turn a bit better later on, because she was going to meet her friends in town to celebrate her 20th birthday. That was probably the reason why she thought about the episode of her childhood.
The bar where Lillian worked was at the top floor of a 8 storey building. It was made entirely by glass, so it was possible to see everything around. Lillian loved this characteristic because she was able to see a different panorama every day and imagine what the little people down in the streets were thinking of the rain or the sun.
The lift arrived at the 8th floor and when the sliding door opened she was hit in the face by a sharp cold wind "Oh Lord!" she exclaimed shivering.
The bar was still dark and all around it was dim. She felt strange and scared for some reason and she run behind the counter to turn the lights on. "Oh, that's better!" she said and looked outside. Everything was still in the darkness. There were just few shadows moving around. They were probably workers still asleep on their way to work.
She suddenly heard a bang, coming from downstairs, where the storage room was. She jumped on the spot scared and then froze. She wasn't exactly a brave woman. But then the wind blew stronger and the emergency door trembled. The wind howled more and more insistently for few seconds. Lillian felt a bit more relieved. She thought that maybe someone hadn't closed the door downstairs properly the night before.
She tried to warm her arms up massaging them and then decided to go down and have a look. She found out that actually the door was open and was going to slam again. "You scared me, stupid door!". Sometimes she would talk to objects, which every now and then seemed to answer. The door creaked. To her it seemed to moan disappointedly.
Lillian was about to go inside and check that all the windows in the storage room were closed when she heard some steps on the floor above. "Oh no, I've always told Jim to not let the people in before 8.30. That man, I'll kill him sooner or later!" and she ran up to check who was there.
When she stepped on the floor, anyway, she didn't see anybody. "Oh, maybe I've made a mistake! The weather is so bad that I thought I heard something". She thought it was a weird day.
She started to open the bar anyway, turned the music on and raised the volume up to not listen the howling of the wind outside. She cleaned the coffee machine and sliced the lemons and oranges for cocktails, singing.
"Lillian!" a voice called suddenly.
"Yes?!" she turned immediately, almost cutting her fingers. This time again she didn't spot anybody. She began to feel worried and scared. "Maybe I'm just tired!" she tried to convince herself, but still she thought that the day wasn't a normal one. She felt for some reason sad and a bit nostalgic.
The sky outside was clearing, but a dense layer of fog, that made the city look more creepy than before, just fell slowly. It seemed colder as well.
There was some smoke coming out from a chimney not far from there. Staring at the gray string Lillian thought she saw it was bending in a heart shape. She looked at that fluffy shape and for some reason started to cry. At the very same time it started raining, like the sky was reflecting her feeling. "It's a very strange day this one" she said to herself.
"No, it's not weird, it's just myself and you my dear!" said a soft and sweet voice coming from afar.
Lillian wasn't scared this time. She felt a soft warm pressure on her shoulder and when she turned back she saw the transparent floating image of her grandmother. "Happy 20th birthday my love!" and then she dissolved into nothing. Grandma had always had a strange sense of humour, she remembered. Lillian gave a faint smile and just curled up on the floor and put her face in her hands.
Now outside a heavy rain was falling.
This is something I wrote few months ago.

I work in a bar similar to the one described in the piece and it was an awful day. The weather was exactly the one I described in the story and it gave me the inspiration.

This is one of the first pieces I wrote in English so if you find any error please contact me. Every comment is welcome!
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silentcanine's avatar
This is actually a charming and touching short story, and considering this is one of your first pieces written in English this is well-done as far as grammar concerns.

... but of course there are some errors that float about in this fiction. I am sure I have mentioned the thing about using a bit too many exclamation marks in the dialog and unfortunately, this one is no exception. Nearly every dialog scene in this short story contains either an exclamation mark or no punctuation at all. Just try to remember to place some sort of punctuation after each sentence, and it doesn't always have to be an exclamation mark.

A few sentences seem a bit rambled together too. For instance:

Lillian thought it would have been really better to stay home, in her warm bed that morning,

Perhaps it could go something like this:

Lillian thought it would have been much better to stay home in her warm bed that morning,

Lastly, there are a few spelling errors here and there.

All in all however, this is a sweet and touching story. It is often that a fave a fiction but this one I must.